I've been told someone has asked about me.
I am good, thank you :)
I hope people are taking care of themselves out there.
I've realised there's a lot to be said for being silent. Sometimes.
It can give oneself a chance to regroup and ponder your own truths (unhindered) and ultimately grow... instead of fighting and dissipating your power and strength.
That is how I feel right now, anyway. I have no idea what is going on out in blogland at the moment but I've heard it's not happy.
Some people enjoy being very viscious online. Thankfully, it is easy enough to switch off a computer and walk away. Doing that takes away their power.
It is possible to block antagonistic and sadistic people out by simply ignoring them.
Putting effort into 'educating' people who do not give a damn (and actually never will) is such a terrible waste.
It can draw you in to a spiral of feeling frustrated, and then angry... and pretty soon you end up behaving in a rather similar fashion to the behaviour that upset you in the first place. Then, the people who enjoy causing mayhem point to you and say 'See! You're just like me! Hypocrite.'
Then you feel shame and like you have no right to stand up to injustice.
None of us are all sunshine and roses on the inside.
I do believe that some people start off with good intent, and some people start off with destructive intent, however. I am only interested in knowing people with good intention at the heart of what they do.
How to tell if somebody comes from a place of good intent, or destructive intent?
It's quite simple really. One word ('sorry') doesn't cut it. If a person says sorry and they feel guilt or shame when they have behaved badly, that is only because they know hurting others is wrong, they can empathise with how they must have made the person (or people) feel and they don't like what they did to cause it. Then, a person with good intent will try to change themselves to prevent that kind of thing from happening again. Change is not always fast, but the willingness and the effort is there. People who are truly sorry will look inwards for solutions instead of continuing to fling arrows at people around them.
People with destructive intent may say the word 'sorry' but then never express any feelings of self responsibility... often the person they hurt got upset, and they are 'sorry' they got upset - but actually still feel they themselves did nothing at all to cause it. People with destructive intent will say the words they know people want to hear, but then they will launch straight back into hurting people again. Sometimes they will try to make the people they hurt in the first place feel guilty, by implying 'The way you got upset about the abusive things I said/did has really hurt me.'
Funnily enough, this kind of manipulation is very effective in making people with good intent feel terribly guilty and shamed. This is how the destructive person cuts a path through life... silencing people by making them feel like they have done wrong. Only people with good intent are capable of feeling such guilt.
See also: Sociopath
I say this not to be clever. It is a fact there are many sociopaths in this world of ours. It's important to know how to deal with sociopaths and how to spot them as well. I am thankful to meet these types of people online instead of in 'real life' where I'm sure they would not be so overtly abusive (at least not to start with) and therefore are more likely to suck people in.
I have always believed in the importance of intent and I will continue to do so.
Take good care,
Z
