This is my last post.
Last night I had a short look at a couple of blogs. I see people are still slagging me off. Using my name. Really? After 3 weeks of me not saying a thing??
I'm over it.
Yes, I have been terribly hurt by what has happened. I started having a panic attack last night just seeing mention of me. I have lost a 'community'.
Someone said to me that most feminists online do not seem to want to stand by rape survivors. I brushed that off, but now I think it may be true to an extent. I don't know why that would be.
I'm not attacking anyone. I am lonely and sad I cannot be a 'part' of the blogs anymore. There's been an overwhelming wave of hatred aimed at me and little support.
I was enjoying learning about feminism. I will continue to learn about it myself. I'm very concerned for the future of feminism however. The internet could be an awesome way of educating people about feminism. Unfortunately a lot of the feminist community online has been hijacked and it's just a hurtful mess.
I ask this:
Please stop hurting me now. I feel like I curled into the foetal position and you just keep having a go.
What fucking power did I ever have?? I was just a person trying to defend the dignity of rape survivors.
Whenever I try to speak up - even in the most justifiable situations, I am torn down for it and pushed back in my box.
What could I do but respond to the derogatory comments I saw written that day?? Sit back and take more abusive crap - from women, no less?? From feminists??
Yes, I am angry about the situation. I have effectively been silenced, though I know it is my own decision to leave. The fact I cannot stay because the risk of me being harmed is so great due to some people who actually do want to hurt me, is beside the point. Though part of me doesn't think it should be 'beside the point'. Part of me thinks people who like to hurt others should be accountable. I've learned throughout my life that it is seldom the case however. All I can do personally, is move on and try to forget about it.
I took my e-mail off here a while back so nobody can contact me. I am fine and don't worry. I'm always fine, as my family knows. Sometimes it is hard but I always get through regardless. That is a given.
My life is a lot easier and more productive when I am not online looking at destructive bullshit. That is why I am leaving.
Take care and good luck.
Z
